I don’t have a Tumblr, and for the most part, I’m not much of a blogging type of person. However, today the DSA heard some beyond devastating news. One beloved member of our family committed suicide yesterday. The news was shocking to say the least. We went into our first period classes when all of a sudden, Ms. Fonti left the classroom and Randy came back telling us to come into the lab. We then saw Ms. Fonti crying. We knew right away that something was terribly wrong. When we were all gathered together in the lab, Randy told the whole class, “There’s no way to sugarcoat this, but Crispus killed himself yesterday.” Every bit of warmth fled my body, and everyone in the class responded to the news differently. Some immediately broke down crying, while some were just frozen stiff from being in shock. After I let some tears out, I needed some air. There were a few people outside crying, and I kept telling myself, “This isn’t happening.” Randy then opened the door to the studio. I had been dying to hear his I.D.entity song, and he played it. As soon as his voice came on the speakers, everyone in the studio burst into tears, because we knew that was the only way we would ever hear his voice again. We then played it for the entire class, who also burst into tears. Thankfully, we were excused from our classes the whole day. Some counselors came in to talk to us, and it was very emotional hearing everyone’s memories of Crispus. He was in out photography group at the beginning of the year, and Randy asked if we could print the pictures we had of him. One of the pictures I was most proud of was a solo shot of him. He was such a natural and so photogenic. I know that what’s done is done, but I couldn’t help but feel guilty even if I know it wasn’t any of our faults. The smallest deeds and a few simple words could have prevented this. Why couldn’t I see through his beautiful smile and beaming eyes, and see the pain that he succeeded in masking? This isn’t fair. It still isn’t sinking in completely. The whole day was draining, even if we just spent the majority of it in the lab. This experience, although tragic, still brought us closer as a family, and for that I am truly thankful. It just sucks that this particular even had to happen in order for us to bond the way we did today. Throughout the day, I’ve been going on a crazy emotional rollercoaster. I have a massive headache and my body is worn out. I just don’t feel like doing anything. I wanted to take a nap earlier, but I couldn’t even if I had the opportunity to do so. The DSA is creating a remix of his song, and we’re each making our own verses. I already wrote mine today, and I got the tune and timing down as well. I can’t wait till everyone else does their part, and we can all listen to the final product together. Oh Crispus, if only you could see how much losing you impacted our whole family. I wish you were here to see the tears and the pain and devastation on people’s faces. You would have been reassured that you are not alone, and that you are loved in this world. You have a place here, and that place is here with us. We want you to come back to us, but unfortunately, we can’t always have what we want. So we can only hope that we will see you again in the future. We miss you, and we love you more than you probably knew.

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